I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
