woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
