i just google imaged poop.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
