just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
