there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
