bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
