He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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