you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize