david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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