did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
