I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Randomize
