i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
