About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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