There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
