Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
