my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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