The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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