remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
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He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
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Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised