You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i barfeds in our rink
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?