I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
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I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
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I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.