eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
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So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
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Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF