Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.