it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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