the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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