i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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