Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
