Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
