Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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