Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
