She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
