why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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