you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
