Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
