just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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