im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
