new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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