Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
