dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
