A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
