it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
