ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
