we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
