textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
