new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize