it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
