Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize