I'm jealous of your bromance
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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