Small penises have feelings too.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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