I cannot find my penis.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
