Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Let's get the cat blown out
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
