what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
