Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
