i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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