What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
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it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
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He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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