I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
