I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
it's like iHOP with fire
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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