We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
