I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize