quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize