remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
