I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
