Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
