yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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