Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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