JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
