During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
