Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
