I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
