Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
