spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
