I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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