Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
