I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
